Through a glass, darkly

I take my children out to walk a lot.  They don't always thank me for this, but it's one of the few things I know I'm doing right.  Jacob and Jazmyn no longer whine about walking like they used to, and they've got more stamina than many adults.  Plus it's a great way to see the world.

It's just that sometimes that world is really messed up.

I cannot walk them anywhere in downtown Boston without running into a poster or store window that features a model or mannequin in a state of undress.  This wasn't the norm when I was seven, but it sort of was by the time I was in my early teens.  I took it, basically, in stride because I'd already been reading Cosmo, Glamour and Mademoiselle for a few years.  Well, my children haven't, and they're not taking it so well.  I don't blame them.

Simon sometimes visibly shudders when he sees these things.  I think a number of things are going through his head: this is inappropriate; this should be done in private; this is embarrassing; this is supposed to be "sexy" and I don't like sexy things; do I like sexy things? I'm not supposed to like sexy things; sexy things are for grown ups, and kids aren't supposed to be grown ups; that's bad for kids but good for grown ups- why is that? This is hurting my head, so I just don't want to look.

I try to reassure my son that what he's seeing is not real, because in a significant way it's not.  Are there incredibly tall, thin and young women walking around in the population?  Sure- but none of them are good enough these days to escape a lot of air brushing before their image gets immortalized in a window or poster.  But this is no comfort to my son, because he gets the perfected, hypersexualized image that they're selling.  (And that *is* what they're selling, of course, with their products as the vehicle by which it can be delivered to you, onto you.  Why else would they use images of half- or completely naked teenagers to sell... clothing?)

It makes me so angry on his behalf.  I wish he didn't have to see this, and when it gets right down to it, I wish I didn't have to see it.  There should be standards, damn it... but no, that's not what I really think.  My children need to be protected from hateful actions and sometimes hateful speech, but not... weirdness.

Then it hit me: I don't mind my children "hearing" this part of the cultural conversation, but I do mind that it's so loud.  Be attractive, be sexually appealing and don't stray from the norms- or else.  We say these things- most cultures do- but to walk around a major city in the United States, you'd think that was ALL we said.  Being sexy/gorgeous/desirable is where we have put all of our aspirations.  Where is the discussion about going to Mars?  Finding a cure for AIDS?  Eradicating hunger?  Keeping a clean water supply?  Those conversations happen as well, but they're not nearly as easy to find as an under-dressed fourteen year old pretending to be an idealized version of a twenty-five year old.

Excuse me, I'm going to go read Scientific American now.

Deb in the City